Never in an indeterminate sum of years did I ever envision myself writing a post for a blog.
In the early years of my life, I was completely and blissfully unaware of their existence. They being blogs. Then I discovered the internet. You can imagine my joy. As I tripped my awkward 10 year old way through cyberspace, under the watchful eyes of my loving parents, I stumbled upon what I could equivocate with enduring an hours worth of learning fractions: reading a blog.
Being ten and highly distractible, the contents of the blog were never given a chance because at that point I was more fascinated with Neopets and Tamagotchi. (I find it amusing that my SpellCheck considers Tamagotchi a legitimate word.) The paragraphs of words stunned my prepubescent mind, until my natural defense against anything that wasn't a theme song or Beatles music kicked in and released boredom.
After that point, the word "blog" was permanently branded with a sour taste like ten week old milk exposed to World War Two documentaries. (I don't know exactly what the documentaries would do, but I imagine they'd make the milk taste dusty.)
In the early years of my life, I was completely and blissfully unaware of their existence. They being blogs. Then I discovered the internet. You can imagine my joy. As I tripped my awkward 10 year old way through cyberspace, under the watchful eyes of my loving parents, I stumbled upon what I could equivocate with enduring an hours worth of learning fractions: reading a blog.
Being ten and highly distractible, the contents of the blog were never given a chance because at that point I was more fascinated with Neopets and Tamagotchi. (I find it amusing that my SpellCheck considers Tamagotchi a legitimate word.) The paragraphs of words stunned my prepubescent mind, until my natural defense against anything that wasn't a theme song or Beatles music kicked in and released boredom.
After that point, the word "blog" was permanently branded with a sour taste like ten week old milk exposed to World War Two documentaries. (I don't know exactly what the documentaries would do, but I imagine they'd make the milk taste dusty.)
Years later, I happened upon another blog: Hyperbole and a Half, which can be found here. Upon seeing the drawings, my first impressions were not great. I figured it would be something poorly written to match the poor quality art. Never have I been so happy to be proven wrong. It was a stroke of brilliance and the reason that I'm here. So, thank you, Allie. Thank you for being so randomly and hyperbolically amazing.
However, now that I'm here, I feel like I need to wow my readers, if I have any. Chances are they're all coming from Hyperbole and a Half and majority are reading this going, "RIP OFF!" But I submit now to the fact that I will never be as clever or as witty as Allie. So don't judge me.
Before I get more distracted, I want to finish what the hell I was supposed to be saying... No, wait, I think I said it already. I'm here and that's the point. I promise that I will gain my own voice and I will develop my own humor, but I've just finished 4 hours of reading Hyperbole and a Half, so I'm a little infatuated with the way she writes. I apologize.
Okay, so before I derail myself a third time, I was saying I wanted to wow my readers. You probably remembered that, but I felt compelled to remind you. I'm not sure how to impress you, people, or make you laugh. I feel like anything I say can and will be held against me [in the court of law].
Before I get more distracted, I want to finish what the hell I was supposed to be saying... No, wait, I think I said it already. I'm here and that's the point. I promise that I will gain my own voice and I will develop my own humor, but I've just finished 4 hours of reading Hyperbole and a Half, so I'm a little infatuated with the way she writes. I apologize.
Okay, so before I derail myself a third time, I was saying I wanted to wow my readers. You probably remembered that, but I felt compelled to remind you. I'm not sure how to impress you, people, or make you laugh. I feel like anything I say can and will be held against me [in the court of law].
Okay, enough rambling, Kate.
I started writing this post to introduce myself and so far I've only convinced you that I'm crazy and I can't ever stay on track.
My name is Kate, as I so cleverly mentioned by talking to myself earlier.
I am from Kansas. I've lived there my whole life. I prefer not to talk about it because whenever I say I'm from Kansas The Wizard of Oz is inevitably brought up and then I have to explain that, No, you see color in Kansas too and that tornados do not cause acid trips. Explaining gets very exhausting. Contrary to belief, there are also hills in Kansas.
Anyway. I'm an English fanatic. I quite enjoy critiquing and making a mockery of the things I read. You may or may not see critiques, parodies or satires of certain pieces of literature here on my blog.
I'm also still in college. If I drop of the earth for four months out of the year, no it's not because I'm in the psych ward for instability or because I've been kidnapped/killed by a member of the Westboro Baptist church. It's because class work comes first.
I may drop a post every now and again to reassure you that I haven't died, but I suspect I won't have any readers anyway so my lack of activity won't really be a bother. Depressing, but the bleak life of an internet blogger is one of desperate quietism.
I started writing this post to introduce myself and so far I've only convinced you that I'm crazy and I can't ever stay on track.
My name is Kate, as I so cleverly mentioned by talking to myself earlier.
I am from Kansas. I've lived there my whole life. I prefer not to talk about it because whenever I say I'm from Kansas The Wizard of Oz is inevitably brought up and then I have to explain that, No, you see color in Kansas too and that tornados do not cause acid trips. Explaining gets very exhausting. Contrary to belief, there are also hills in Kansas.
Anyway. I'm an English fanatic. I quite enjoy critiquing and making a mockery of the things I read. You may or may not see critiques, parodies or satires of certain pieces of literature here on my blog.
I'm also still in college. If I drop of the earth for four months out of the year, no it's not because I'm in the psych ward for instability or because I've been kidnapped/killed by a member of the Westboro Baptist church. It's because class work comes first.
I may drop a post every now and again to reassure you that I haven't died, but I suspect I won't have any readers anyway so my lack of activity won't really be a bother. Depressing, but the bleak life of an internet blogger is one of desperate quietism.
Now, before I go, I would like to warn you, this blog might get very silly. I know I'm all 'srs bsns' right now, but that's because it's ten minutes 'til 2011 and I'm alone in my house.
Happy New Year!
No, I'm not resolving to write blog posts because that might not ever happen and I don't want to feel like a failure this early in the game. Though, I will try to incorporate the word "awkward" into every one of my posts. It's the least I can do.
Happy New Year!
No, I'm not resolving to write blog posts because that might not ever happen and I don't want to feel like a failure this early in the game. Though, I will try to incorporate the word "awkward" into every one of my posts. It's the least I can do.
Until next time. Peace Off.
